Forgotten
by HitsuKarinluv
Summary: Sequel to All my Fault. Things just aren't right anymore and Toushirou doesn't know how to deal with it. Can he fix things on his own or will he remain in this broken state. Sometimes there are worse things than death.
1. Depression

**Hi guys I've had this ready forever but my internet has decided to stop working three times in the past two months. And I mean the internet was gone. I couldn't even pull up google for weeks. And then it would fix itself and rightwhen I'm getting things ready it fails again. It made me sooooo mad. Anyway I hope you enjoy this.**

**Toushirou POV**

_**Prolouge**_

_I hated him. I hated Ulquiorra, and not for the reasons you might expect. He moved too slowly and Karin had died. But that wasn't why I had such a dislike for him. That wasn't his fault, it was Aizen's. My reason for hating him was simple. He was with her when I could not be. Running with him by my side, with him carrying Jaquerjacks, made my mind race. _

_We had used the riot that was among the other arrancar as a cover for escape, but I felt like I was part of that riot. Part of the chaos._

_Kurosaki was on the other side of me...carrying the dead body of Karin. Of course we had no choice but to take the body with us. Yuzu and Isshin would want a funeral. Her friends would want to know that she was gone._

_Before we left Las Noches Ulquiorra had gone in two rooms. First to get Jaquerjacks, as injured as he was. The second was what seemed to be a girl's room. A girl with big blue eyes. He seemed to be trying to persuade her of something , but she kept shaking her head. Eventually she had come out of the room looking very disappointed. _

_She had a small leather book in her hands which she held tightly to her chest. She was like everyone else here, an arrancar. She kept glancing at Kurosaki and then finally looked at me. She gave me the leather book then ran back into the room she was in before. Ulquiorra looked annoyed with her. He passed by me and said, "Keep a hold of that, it is Karin's." _

_So I held on to it. I still had it with me as we were running. _

_So I'll state it again. I hate Ulquiorra. Just that he knew the book was Karin's meant he knew things about her that I didn't_

_And that bothered me._

**Chapter 1: All Wrong**

I slowly opened my tired eyes to messy paperwork. I just as slowly sat up. I'd lost count of how many times I had relived Karin's death. Or how many times I just wanted to blame everyone involved. But it's easy to lose count of something like that over the period of two years.

I looked up at the clock and sighed as I stood up. There was a Captains' Meeting in an hour and afterwards I had to meet Rangiku to get the new recruits settled in. I was just going through the motions with Karin gone. I hadn't even read what I had learned to be Karin's journal.

Everyone said I should so I would know the thing she went through. But I felt like that would only remind me she she was gone. I got to the Captains' Meeting but I was completely spaced out the entire time.

That was until the end when the Head Captain announced, "I've decided that since we still haven't found a suitable Captain for the fifth squad the Hinamori Momo will take over the position. Are there any objections?"

And no one objected. I sighed almost inaudibly. That was great for Momo but I was still too far gone to be happy for her. My only conflict with it was about what the Head Captain said next, "Good. Captain Hitsugaya will deliver the news."

That was just great for I'd only spoken to Momo twice for just over two years. And tomorrow was my birthday. I really wasn't in the mood for her happy birthdays. Or anyone else's for that matter.

The Captains' Meeting last only a few minutes later and I left the room. I decided to go to Momo first. I made my way towards the fifth squad as thunder cracked over my head. My days had been horrible not only, now that I think about it, since Karin died...but since I fell off that cliff and ended up in a coma. A very short coma but still a coma.

She had been in Las Noches for three entire months. From late August to late November. She didn't get to finish her senior year of high-school. I sighed again. I needed to stop depressing myself.

Maybe visiting Momo would be a good thing. After all she was like a sister to me. For the first time in a long time I found myself smiling. I arrived there to a crash on the inside of the office and a very loud, "Owwww."

I opened the door and stared down at the small dark haired girl. I don't know why but I felt like laughing . It was like being in the same room as someone who had been through nearly the same thing made it all better. The only real difference was that she didn't love Aizen, she looked up to him. And he hadn't died, he'd betrayed her and been sealed away.

She saw me and scurried to her feet, "Shiro!"

She immediately started to brush the imaginary dust off her pants and asked,"What brings you here?"

I blinked, I had almost forgotten. I sighed for the billionth time, "The Head Captain wanted me to tell you that you're the new Captain for this squad. Not that it'll be much different from now. You run the place already."

She smiled a huge smile and said, "That's great! Do I get to choose a lieutenant?"

"Maybe. You'll have to ask someone else."

There was an awkward silence after that that made made realize that everything was not okay. Which made me want to look away from her. She looked a lot like Karin. I could remember thinking that before Karin had been killed. Right before Kurosaki and I had left for Hueco Mundo. I snapped out of my thoughts when she spoke again, "What am I supposed to do with new recruits? Shuuhei always has done it for me, but I guess I need to learn."

I took a deep breath through my nose and tried to explain, "You tell them the basics of the squad. Establish the rules you want them to follow. Show them where everything is and be on your way."

She nodded, "Okay. Can I come to you for help if I get confused?"

I didn't really want to help but I couldn't just say no to her either, "Sure, but try to do things right. They won't take you seriously if you mess up too much."

She sighed, "Well this is going to difficult isn't it."

I nodded and looked at the floor, "What did you break before I came in?"

She seemed alarmed by the question and jumped to pick up the things on the floor. There were several items: Broken glass, a picture frame, a lot of paper, two books, and a pencil. It didn't occur to me to help so I just stood there. Momo seemed sad about having to pick things up. I asked, "What is it?"

She was rushing to pick the items up and equally rushed to say, "I was moving Ca-Aizen's belongings out of the squad. I don't think they belong here. I mean he may be alive but her is not coming back ."

I nodded but didn't say anything. There was another awkward silence between us as I watched her gather his belongings off the floor. I had just started to leave when she spoke, "She'll come back you know. She's just not human anymore. She'll be here just watch."

I shook my head and started walking away, "She won't remember me."

The last thing I heard before I left the building was her shout, "Make her remember!"

I closed my eyes as I stepped into the now pouring down rain. I sometimes wondered if I was the one causing the bad weather, after all it had been nothing but bad weather since she died. I was soaked by the time I reached the tenth squad again. It was even worse when I had to help the new recruits into their new lifestyle. Most of that had taken place outside.

I went home early without doing my paperwork. I was freezing cold from the rain but too distracted to do anything about it. So I lay in bed soaking wet and cold. By the time the memories started taking over again my teeth were chattering and I was staring at the floor. I felt completely helpless. I wondered if that's Karin felt in Las Noches. Maybe I could ask Ulquiorra.

I mean he was just next door. Just that thought averted the bad memories. Instead I thought about all the stings Kurosaki and I had to pull to get the Soul Society to let Ulquiorra and Jaquerjacks live here. We weren't fond of either of them but we did it for Karin. She obviously was fond of both of them since they were a part of her escape plan.

They had to be monitored by a superior ranking officer, that was their condition on living here. I volunteered for that but I wasn't doing my part. They were living here free of charge and supervision. Because I was distracted. It was impossible not to be. We were too late on realizing that Karin was acting and she had died for it. I couldn't help but wonder if it was my fault.

**Okay guys thanks for reading if you did. I hope you liked it! Leave a review to tell me your opinion! Bye bye.**


	2. Found

I woke up the next morning and realized I had cried myself to sleep. I was still laying on my stomach from where I had laid down after work the day before. I rolled over and stared at the ceiling. It didn't take me long to realize it was birthday. Which was the exact excuse I used not to go to work that day.

I smelled heavily of wet clothing even though I wasn't wet anymore. My bed was but I wasn't. I sighed and stood from the bed. I would have to wash the sheets and blankets on it or they would mold. I'd have to wash my clothes as well considering the smell and the fact that they were stiff. However all the things I needed to do were going to wait until later for two reasons.

One: I needed a shower.

And Two: I needed to go somewhere where Rangiku wouldn't track me down without her extremely loud happy birthdays.

I thought maybe she would have some decency and leave me alone about "happy" birthdays the year before but I was terribly terribly wrong. I found myself wondering how I would spend the day. Like anything I did could make me any less depressed.

Before I could make it to my bathroom to get the shower I needed there was the sound of door opening and footsteps and I was suddenly being grabbed by the shoulders and shouted at. I couldn't process anything he was saying from the shock. The first thing I actually processed was after his hands were off shoulders and into his orange hair. And it was a whisper, "Sorry. Maybe I should start over."

I crossed my arms, angry that he had barged in my house and started shouting. Then I realized... Kurosaki had been just as depressed as I was since Karin died. If he was this excited...I shouldn't get my hopes up.

He sighed and took his hands out of his hair, "I was just at the 12th squad...and Kurotsuchi said...that he made this new software last night. It connects to a computer and that huge T.V. he has in that one room. He's tested it and everything and it works...and..."

I interrupted him, "What does it even do?"

He took a deep breath, "Every soul that enters the soul society is recorded right? Their names and the fact that they entered the Soul Society. But no one ever knows what district they'll end up in. That's why it's so difficult to find someone. Also people can have the same names so you can't just find someone based on their name. Until now. His software...it...well all it needs is a name and a date of death and it can tell you where someone is. So if we put Karin's name in we could find her."

And my mind stopped working. I had so many questions like the one I asked next, "How has he tested it? Not many people know what day they died on."

He took in another huge breath, "Well he also developed another thing that only requires spiritual pressure. According to him your spiritual pressure is a direct connection to memories and feelings you may not even know you had. And by using that connection it can find a memory you may have forgotten and tell you the date it happened. It also can show you how it happened and everything. He said he made it under the instruction of the Head-Captain because everyone has stupid disagreements about how someone did so and so thing when they really didn't. Like cheat on their girlfriends or something. You can just tell the thing to find a memory of cheating and if it doesn't find anything it will say no results. But I'm getting off track aren't I? Rukia and Captiain Ukitake have already tested both software. They both work."

I was trying so hard not to get my hopes up but I couldn't help but smile. We could find her. Well if she was in the Soul Society anyway. I was pretty sure she was, I mean it _had_ been two years. I sighed and started to walk back to room, "Stay here. I'll be right back."

By the time I got back in room I hurriedly changed into a clean uniform and left the room again. Kurosaki and I rushed to the 12th squad and soon enough we were standing in front of the huge screen with Kurotsuchi typing in Karin and November 26th. He said he only searched the first name at first for two reasons.

One: Many souls who enter the Soul Society don't remember their last names.

And Two: It would most likely be unnecessary to search the last name because most people with the same names usually don't have the same death dates.

If necessary he would search with her last name as well. Kurosaki and I watched the screen as the word searching appeared over and over again. Time slowed down and I took note of every little detail. Ichigo's hand was on my shoulder and he had stopped breathing. I had too for that matter.

My heart was beating faster than I thought possible and my thoughts were racing even faster. What if we found her? It's not like she would remember us. I realized I was getting excited over something that would only break my heart even more. But I had to know she was safe. That she was okay. For lack of a better comparison I felt like a kid in a candy shop. One that wasn't allowed to get anything but loved being there anyway.

As soon as time sped up again my heart dropped. My heart knew but my mind didn't process the words on the screen.

No Results...

I looked up at Ichigo's face to see if he had processed what it meant yet. I sure hadn't. I just kept waiting for it to hit me. She wasn't here. I couldn't fathom it. Then it hit me and I realized everything I had just lost at the same time I realized that Ichigo had tears running down his face, his eyes still glued to the screen. I felt sick. I wanted to cry but the tears wouldn't come. I was in denial...

I turned to leave the room and soon found Kurosaki rushing ahead of me. I had lost the girl I was head over heels in love with. I had really lost her. And he had lost a little sister. Neither was something you could ever replace. So I ran after him.

We had something in common when it came to loss and I had learned that that could be a huge comfort sometimes. I wouldn't be comforted by it because I hadn't yet realized the magnitude of the words on the screen...but he had.

I had trouble keeping up with him even using flash-step. That was until he stopped in front of me. I had to flash-step twice to stand next to him. I was out of breath but I didn't let it show. I was about to ask why he stopped when he whispered, "Look."

He was looking in the 9th squad's training grounds. There was auburn haired girl repeatedly swinging her zanpakuto at a dummy. But that wasn't why he stopped I could tell that. Behind him was a black haired, gray eyed girl, whose smile was way too familiar. All her hair was up in a ponytail save for her uneven bangs.

Before I could stop him Kurosaki was stepping forward. Neither girl seemed to notice. The auburn haired girl was speaking to the other girl, "So how is the academy going?"

The Karin-like girl answered with, "My teacher says that I can graduate in May if I want to."

The other girl stopped slashing at the dummy, "The last person to graduate from the academy in only a year was the Captain of the tenth squad. You could get a pretty high ranking straight off the bat like that."

It was then that both girls noticed Ichigo walking towards them and turned sharply towards him. At which he stopped and put his hands up like he was surrendering, "No need to get so frightened. I was just happening to pass by and I noticed that you two have very large spiritual pressures. Or maybe only one of you does I'm not good with detecting that kind of stuff."

The auburn haired girl lifted her zanpakuto up and pointed it at his face, "Who are you?"

He only held his hand out to shake her hand, "I'm Ichigo Kurosaki. What's your name?"

The girl nearly dropped her zanpakuto, "The Ichigo Kurosaki? The one who sealed Aizen away?"

Ichigo drew back his hand and instead scratched his head with it, "Well yeah...but he escaped so that didn't really work out now did it?"

This time she really did drop her zanpakuto. With an extremely shocked look on her face. The Karin-like girl waved a hand in front of her face. Then smiled at Ichigo, "Sorry. Ai's not good with meeting people. Especially ones who are particulary famous for being a hero."

He just shrugged, "Well okay then. What's your name?"

She held her hand out like he did before, "It's Kaya."

He grabbed her hand and shook it, "Do you have a last name?"

She looked at the sky, "I assume I do but I don't know what it is."

And I knew. I knew that this was Karin. It was common for someone to forget their names or get them mixed up with another name. It took everything I had not to kiss her just from the elated feeling I got.

**So guys things are getting better! I believe we've found someone who was missing. Or have we? No I'm kidding, we have. I'm not evil enough to keep her away for to long. But she doesn't know her name! Poor Toushirou... Also the reason her name is Kaya is because both Karin AND Kaya mean pure...and they start with K. Easy to get confused no?**

**Remember to review!**


	3. Healing

It took me several minutes of watching them converse to realize that she hadn't realized i was there yet. She was only paying attention to Ichigo...That was until Ichigo turned halfway around, "Well are you gonna just stand there or are you going to introduce yourself?"

I was so sure at that moment that he thought I was stupid. As soon as Kari-Kaya saw me she started to bow, "I'm sorry Captain I didn't-" and then Ichigo laughed, "I'm so glad I'm not a Captain, I would hate people bowing down to me like that. Stand up Kaya there is no need for that."

She stood back up but she looked worried. She looked up at Ichigo, "But I could..."

And for the first time since I was standing there I spoke, "I'd really rather you not do that anyway. It's not like I'm going to send you to the Head-Captain for disrespect."

I really wouldn't send anyone to the Head-Captain for anything. I couldn't. He didn't trust me anymore because I went to Hueco Mundo without contacting him. I wasn't even allowed on missions outside of the Soul Society anymore. Ichigo, Rukia, and I weren't on the best terms with any of the other Soul Reapers.

So many people had come into Hueco Mundo after us but we were the only ones who went without permission. And Rukia didn't even come back with Ichigo and I, she went to alert everyone that came after us that it was time to leave.

All of this...made me feel like I was in a blender of emotions. First it was depression, then it was completely blank feeling, then it was happiness that she was back, and finally it was heartbreak all over again.

She had called me by my title and not my name. That was definitely nothing that I saw coming. And it hurt because it meant she didn't recognize me. It was then that her friend, Ai, snapped out of her daze, "Ca-Captain Hitsugaya! I was just...we were just..."

I swallowed and raised an eyebrow, "I know graduating early right?"

She only nodded, eyes wide like she couldn't believe I was talking to her. I crossed my arms, "Just graduating in a year won't get you a high-ranking as an officer. It can get the attention of a Captain or Lieutenant and that can get you a high rank. However it depends on the squad you end up in."

Kaya put her hands on her hips, "And just how did you end being a Captain so fast then?"

I was startled by how determined she was, how much like Karin she was. She was only told a few minutes before that she didn't have to bow to me and now she was openly questioning me. I felt like smiling but I couldn't. It would be a smile for Karin, the person she forgot she is, not the one she thought she was. Not the one that didn't know me.

I had to resist taking a deep breath because it would only draw attention to me, "I started out just a regular Soul Reaper in the tenth squad and was quickly promoted to third seat because my Captain at the time, saw that I was good at fighting from all the time I spent in the living world. And finally my Captain left for a mission in the living world one day and never came back so I ended up being the Captain of the Tenth Division."

She crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow at me, "Didn't you just say you were the third seat before being a Captain? Shouldn't the lieutenant take the Captain's place?"

I crossed my arms back at her, "Do you really think Lieutenant Matsumoto would have the Division in the same position it is now?"

I saw what looked like anger flash across Kaya's eyes, " I don't know. I hear the Tenth Division is not doing too well at the moment. Rumor has it the Head-Captain is thinking about shutting it down completely because nothing has been actually done in it for over two years now. Care to explain that one?"

I knew I should have been calm about it but I couldn't help but take a step back in surprise, eyes widened. Ai stepped up and put a hand on Kaya's shoulder. She got really close to her and started talking under her breath, "Kaya...you're gonna get yourself in trouble."

Ichigo nervously laughed, "That's not right. That can't be right. Right Toushirou?"

I opened my mouth to deny it but only ended up closing it again and having to think about it. Could the Head-Captain shut down an entire squad? I suppose he could but he would have to move the soul reapers in that squad and renumber the squads.

Ichigo was getting more and more nervous by the minute and I wasn't sure exactly why, "Um, Shiro? What are you thinking?"

I looked at the ground and ran my hand through my hair, "I'm trying to figure if he would eliminate an entire division and go through the trouble of the paperwork and relocation of everything...I don't think he would actually but mostly because we can't afford the confusion with Aizen back again. But I guess if he really wanted to solve the problem that nothing is getting done he could just...fire me. Oh damn."

Kaya looked shocked, "I didn't expect any of the rumors to actually be true! I was just seeing what a genius's response would be to the gossip."

I looked back at her equally shocked, "Then I guess I should have ignored you. Because now I'm trying to figure out if I'm going to lose my job. You know thinking about it I really think I might have already lost it considering the only thing I do anymore is go to the meetings...and I sometimes do my paperwork. But I can't really do anything else...and I really need to shut up."

She just kept looking more and more surprised, "But you're supposed to be the Captain that everyone is afraid of because he makes sure everything is done and done right. That's what everyone says at the academy. Well they also say that people in your squad have a lot of fun because they have both work ethics and fun times because you hold everything together and Lieutenant Matsumoto makes things fun."

Listening to her talk...the things she had to say. They were making me sick to my stomach. They made me want to cry all over again. But this time not for what I'd lost, but for what I'd become. I was supposed to be a figure that my squad members could look up to. I was supposed to be strong and make sure things didn't get out of hand. For once in two years I felt sympathetic for someone other than myself. I was letting everyone down who viewed me as a role model.

I was being so stupid. And of course it took what I had lost figuratively slapping me in the face to realize it. Karin wouldn't have wanted this. She wouldn't have wanted me to lose myself in sorrow. She would have wanted me to happy. Just like I didn't want her to worry when I was in a coma, I wanted her to be happy. Why was I so blind? Why couldn't I listen to anything anyone had to say? I could hear them now trying to tell me that things would get better.

All I could think was that I should have listened. Yes I was sad and that wasn't changing anytime soon but I could see now what they were talking about. Even without knowing it Kaya was still the Karin that I was in love with those two years ago and today. She was the strong girl who could make me see the truth even when I didn't want to.

She was the girl who smiled through everything that she could. The one who put up a mask so that no one had to worry about her. I knew there were times when that mask fell apart and she would get so mad at herself for being weak. And I would tell her that we all fall apart sometimes and she would get mad at me too.

And she would yell, "I know that but all I'm achieving by breaking down like that is making others worry about me! Or even worse pity me! I don't want to be the kicked puppy! I want to be the one people come to when they fall apart! I want to be strong..."

I knew now what she meant. I knew now how to relate to that statement. I need to see the good in things not pity myself.

Even when she wasn't trying, she influenced me. And I was back in that blender again: I wanted cry and scream at myself for being so stupid. I wanted to pick Kaya up and spin her around in circles. I wanted to tell everyone that had seen me so depressed that they wouldn't have to see me like that again.

There were going to be times when I didn't feel so good...like yesterday when I cried myself to sleep. The were going to be a lot of those times because Kaya not only brought hope and happiness with her but memories, desperation, and sadness. I couldn't heal quickly, I knew that.

But at least I wasn't making the cut deeper. I wasn't stabbing myself anymore.

Before I knew it Ichigo was smacking me in the back of the head and I ended up with both my hands over that same spot, "Dammit! What was that for you idiot?!" He rolled his eyes, "You spaced out." I knew I was blushing because I could feel it in my face, "Well excuse me for thinking!"

He started walking towards the dummy Ai was swinging her zanpakuto at earlier, "Well it must have pretty important because you looked like someone just slapped you in the face."

I walked after him too embarrassed to leave things alone, "Well maybe that's because I was just thinking that I felt like I'd been figuratively smacked in the face. You ever think of that?"

He shook his head, "Why would that even cross my mind?"

"Was it because of what Kaya said?"

I jumped and turned towards where Ai and Kaya were standing. Kaya was looking just as embarrassed as I felt. Ai noticed my hesitation to answer her question and started to elaborate, "Was it because she started saying things about the Captain you were supposed to be? That you felt like you'd been figuratively smacked in the face I mean."

I blinked and looked at Kaya who couldn't seem to look me straight in the face anymore, then I looked back at Ai, "It was. But...well I sort of needed someone to knock me back into sanity again. So I guess I have to thank her for that. Also I need to get back to the Tenth Division and set things straight. So thank you and goodbye."

And I flash stepped away before I got a reaction. The first place I went to was my office. My paperwork had really been piling up for a long time. Sure sometimes I worked on it but I hadn't finished any of it in over two years. I found my way to my desk and started writing determined not to get up until I had finished all of it.

* * *

After about three hours I started to remember why I hated paper so much. And why I was always frustrated with Rangiku. On the plus side she had done her share of paperwork. So I had no reason to blame her this time. The blame was all on me.

And I was okay with admitting to that. It meant I had realized that I was doing something wrong and I was coming to terms with that. Now if I only knew what other things were my fault and what wasn't. Like Karin's death...

I guess I would find out as my heart healed.

**Oh my gosh guys! GAH! I've been away far too long! WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? LAST TIME I UPDATED I DIDN'T HAVE A BOYFRIEND AND NOW WE'VE BEEN TOGETHER FOR OVER TWO MONTHS! HOLY CRAP I NEED TO UPDATE MORE! I'M SO SORRY! FORGIVE ME WHILE I CRY AT YOUR FEET!**


	4. Better

It was five in the morning by the time I was signing the last piece of paperwork. I got half way through writing my last name when my office door slammed open and Rangiku's hands were slammed down on my desk.

"Captain! Ichigo said you would be here yesterday but...I expected you to stop working by night time, like you do when you usually work on paperwork."

I rolled my eyes and finished signing my name and stood up from my desk. I added the last piece of paper to the third stack of paper beside my desk...the one for the most recent filled out papers. All three stacks of paper were my height. I didn't even want to know how many papers were in them.

I opened my mouth to respond to Rangiku and found myself yawning. My body wasn't used to staying up for this long anymore. It wasn't like it was two years ago. When I finished yawning I noticed Rangiku was smiling at me like I was a little kid that she was proud of, "So what made you finish it all? Why are you suddenly back to normal? Did you have some kind of mid-birthday realization that everything is gonna to be all right?"

I thought about it for a second and my best answer to her questions was, "Well yesterday Kurosaki and I found Karin and she just about had a heart-attack because I wasn't doing my job. Which snapped me out of it because she doesn't remember me she only knows what she has heard in the academy. It made me realize I was letting the people down who look up to me so I came here and started working. So I guess I sort of did have a mid-birthday realization."

She only gaped at me, "You...You found Karin?"

I nodded, "Yeah but she doesn't remember anything. Not even her name. She goes by Kaya...but she looks just like before only her hair is longer and she has bangs. She the same girl she was before I fell off that damned cliff. And I don't know whether I should hope she gets her memories back or to hope she doesn't. There are so many things that she probably doesn't want to remember."

Rangiku grabbed me by the shoulders, "If you had a choice of forgetting everything you know and starting again with happiness or living with all your memories bad and good what would you choose?"

"To live"

"And don't you think Karin would want that too? Don't you remember when she would get so frustrated when she would forget something and couldn't remember it no matter how hard she tried? She would want to know Captain, you know that."

I closed my eyes and sighed, "I know...Will you help me carry all this paper work to the first squad? I can't carry all of it."

Rangiku laughed, "Of course I will Captain."

And we spent the next hour and a half carrying the paperwork to the first squad and getting it checked by the Head-Captain to make sure it was all done right. I stood in his office watching him read everything the entire time and seriously thought that I was going to die of boredom from it. I had never stood for that long watching him read it. I had never had that much paperwork to do all at once that was all my own. Most times it would be Rangiku who was standing here for the long periods of time.

After he was done reading it was 6:45 in the morning and he praised me for doing a good job. He then proceeded to say, "I don't know what has snapped you back into to rightful state of work but whatever it is deserves a thank you from me. If it is a person that has done this wonderful job of fixing you I ask that you bring them to me and if it is just your better judgement stepping in once again...I guess I better get to my next request of you. You see, the academy as you know has a Captain visit them each month to see the progress in each class and answer any questions the students may have. And that day for this month is tomorrow. It is the last day all the students will be at the academy before the holidays and although they won't be having classes they will still have questions that can be answered in an assembly in the largest training room. The students have been requesting it be you that comes to the school for several months now but I have appointed another Captain each time out of better judgement for the Soul Society. But since you have recovered now I request that you go to the school tomorrow and answer all the questions about your squad that they may have. Will you complete these requests?"

I knew he said it and meant it politely but I couldn't but felling that if I said no there would be a punishment so I found myself saying, "Yes sir."

He nodded and I thought I saw a hint of a smile under his facial hair, "Good. Now for today I have one more request of you. I want you to take a break and get some sleep. You look like you need it. You are dismissed Captain Hitsugaya."

I blinked and nodded, "Thank you sir. Just one question before I go if I may?"

He nodded. I gulped, "When do you want to see the person who helped me snap out of it? Because I could go get them today. Or tomorrow since they go the academy and I'll be there anyway."

This time I knew I saw a smile, "Get them whenever you think is best. If you find that you want to get them today, go ahead. If you would rather wait until tomorrow then wait. As long as they get to me before Christmas. Which gives you four days counting today."

I nodded, "Thank you again sir. I'll be getting on my way."

And I turned and left his office. It only took me moments to decide when I would get Kaya. I didn't want to miss a single chance I had to be around her. I knew in my heart that she didn't remember me and things wouldn't be the same. But being around her gave me the reminder that there was hope. And I needed that reminder.

So I found myself flash stepping to the Soul Reaper Academy. I knew I looked exhausted but it didn't matter because I had a job to do and I would do it. Whether I could put it off until tomorrow or not I would do it now because I was meant to be ahead of my game. I was meant to be at the top of the list. But most of all I was meant to be around her and that would never change because I loved her and I had for years.

I went to the front office of the academy and asked the only person there the whereabouts of Kaya. He looked up at me like he had never seen a Captain in his life and then stuttered out, "Sh-she should be in her room. Or in the second training room, those are the only places students are allowed right now unless they get permission to go into the Seireitei and she hasn't come to ask for permission this morning."

By the time he finished talking I realized how early it still was. It was only 7:15. Which meant she would most likely be in her room since I knew that she definitely was not a morning person. I nodded and asked for her room number then was on my way again. It only took me five minutes to find her room.

I knocked on the door and heard a mumbled "Go away..."

I smiled and knocked again, louder this time.

This was followed my some more mumbling this time incoherent except for the "Dammit" that ended the mumbling. It took a few minutes and I was going to knock again but the door opened and Kaya stood in the doorway looking very annoyed with me. By the time she realized who I was I could tell she was glad she had put her uniform on before opening the door. Her hair was down and definitely not brushed and although she looked tired I knew she was a lot more rested than I was.

She blinked several times before running back in her room leaving the door open, "Sorry Captain Hitsugaya I thought you were Ai!"

I watched as she grabbed her hair brush and furiously brushed out her hair and noticed I was smiling. I just shook my head at her still smiling, "I wouldn't be here if you hadn't been on my list of requests from the Head Captain. The first request out of three actually. The Head-Captain has requested to speak with you."

She froze halfway through putting her hair up in a ponytail. "To speak...with me? Why?"

I crossed my arms and leaned against her door frame, "I think I'll leave that to him to tell you."

She gulped, "I'm not in trouble am I?"

I stifled a laugh, "No the opposite actually."

She glanced at her zanpakuto in the corner of her room and I looked at it too. I interrupted her train of thought, "You won't need it. I can fight for us both not that there is going to be any fighting involved today. It's impressive that you have one though. Most first year students don't have one or if they do they obtain it in the second semester and even then you aren't trained to use it until second or third year unless you qualify for higher classes like I did. And I'm suppposing like you do since you said you might be graduating in May."

She nodded and looked away from it and at me, "I'm sorry for yelling at you yesterday it was out of line. I know I'm not supposed to speak to high ranked officers like that and especially not a Captain."

I shook my head, "I thanked you for it remember? And you are going to be thanked for it again today."

She smiled, "A Captain thanking me...isn't that just weird. Especially since I get told by my teacher all the time that I'm going to get myself in trouble for smarting off like I did yesterday."

I stepped out of the door way and back into the hall, "Well come on then."

She was still smiling when she stepped out of her room and locked it. I realized once we got out of the academy building (after asking permission in the front office of course) that we wouldn't be able to flash step to the first squad for two reasons. One:Kaya didn't know her way around very well. She had her brother's sense of direction...not that she knew that of course. And two: She was good at flash-stepping but she couldn't keep up with me.

I sighed, "This is going to be a long walk."

She looked at me and then look at the maze of roads ahead of us, "This is why I hate mornings."

I laughed this time and shook my head at her for the billionth time, "Get walking. and don't complain. That'll get you in trouble."

I looked at her out of the corner of my eye. She was blushing but she looked more surprised than embarrassed. I raised an eyebrow at her and started walking, "What do you look so surprised about?"

"You...you laughed..."

I blinked a few times and laughed again. I could remember Karin making the same statement when I laughed at her for tripping in high-heels at a school dance Yuzu made her go to. Which she just had to drag me along to because apparently if she has to suffer the loud crowds and obnoxious music so did I.

"It's not something I do often, but I'm in good mood this morning, even though I haven't slept in what feels like forever."

This time she raised an eyebrow, "Haven't slept? And just what have you been doing Captain Hitsugaya?"

I winced and shook my head, "Only paperwork...but I would really appreciate it if you stopped calling me that. It's going to drive me crazy if you don't."

She blinked several times, "Called you what? Your title? I thought you hated when people didn't call you by your title."

I sighed, "I do. But that's more of a lack of respect thing. It doesn't sound right in my mind for you to call me by my title...just like it doesn't sound right if Kurosaki or Momo calls me by it."

This time she winced, "Well, ok but what am I supposed to call you?"

I blinked, I realized that although the answer was obvious to me...everybody else in the Soul Society would think I had gone insane. I swallowed, "My first name. You don't have to but that is what I would prefer...Why did you wince when I was saying it didn't sound right?"

I could tell she was thinking about whether it made her uncomfortable to call me by my first name or not but she still answered my question, "Well as you know I can't remember my last name and I have to have one for graduation so I 've been trying to come up with one... And every time I think of one it's Kurosaki...but I don't want to steal Ichigo's last name. I just don't understand why that last name sounds so right to me..."

I had to stop myself from gasping, "Maybe it is your last name. In which case you wouldn't be stealing it. I mean you are..." I had to stop myself from saying 'his sister'.

She looked at me very confused like, "I am what?"

"Nothing"

"You know something don't you!"

"No."

"I don't believe you. You're hiding things aren't you Toushirou?"

We both gasped at the sound of my name on her lips. It had been too long since I heard her say it and it caused my heart to clench at the sound. She gasped for a totally different reason. She had both her hands up to her temples and her face was contorted in pain. The memories. She was either trying too hard to remember or she was remembering something. Which of the two I didn't know.

"Kaya? Are you okay?"

"That's not my name is it? It's Karin isn't it?"

**Uh Oh...She remebered something! But how much did she remember? I don't know do you? I love you guys and I love this story I'm sorry I don't update more often I really should. Don't forget to review I would really appreciate it.**


	5. Lessons Not Learned

I took a step back not sure what to say to her comment. The only thing I really could say was the truth to her question, no more and no less. I took a deep breath, "Yes but...what all did you remember?"

She pinched the bridge of her nose, "The name. Everything else just made me have more questions."

I looked away and towards the sky, I was slightly sad that she didn't remember more, "If you don't mind me asking what _exactly_ did you remember? I know you probably view it as an invasion of privacy to tell anyone but...it may be important to tell me...though I can't really explain why."

I felt stupid for having such a lack of explanation, but I couldn't tell her anything I knew because that would rush her memories and end up hurting her. And that wasn't something I wanted. When I looked back down at her she was looking at me with an eyebrow raised. I blinked and felt my face heat up, "What?"

She rolled her eyes and shook her head at me then continued walking, "Yeah, yeah. I get it. You know something but you can't tell me anything. It's annoying but I get where you are coming from. If you know what I have remembered then you can avoid telling me anything extra. Right?"

I awkwardly scratched the back of my head after resuming my place leading her around the maze of roads that were the Seireitei, "Sometimes I forget how smart you are...oh damn. I guess I need to watch what I say more huh?"

She laughed, "Well there's no hiding it now that I know for sure you knew me. Anyway, all I remembered was this blonde girl standing in a kitchen saying, 'Karin dinner's ready,' and smiling at me. And I ran into the kitchen and grabbed some food to stuff in my mouth and started running towards a door saying, 'Thanks but I can't stay I got soccer practice.'"

She paused, "The girl, Yuzu, looked confused and said ' This late?' And then I stopped remembering. So I assume I was in my home, and Yuzu was either a friend of mine or related to me, and I was sneaking out using soccer practice as an excuse... but I don't know, I felt like I was pretty young in it. Like maybe thirteen or fourteen."

I opened my mouth to explain the situation only to realize I couldn't and shut my mouth again. I shook my head now even more sad that she didn't remember anyhting about me just a memory I was tied to. I couldn't tell her that she used to sneak out when she was upset as a young teen and would sit in the soccer field until I found her.

I couldn't tell her that we would play soccer until we couldn't stand and she felt like everything she was upset about was gone. I couldn't tell her that I let her win because if I had won then she would've been there all night trying to prove she was better at soccer than me. I couldn't tell her that three times she had fallen asleep at nearly three in the morning and I had to sneak her back into her room without being caught. I couldn't tell her that Yuzu had caught me the last time but didn't tell anybody. I couldn't tell her any of it. But I wanted to.

I hadn't realized that I had zoned out until she waved a hand in front of my face, "Hey. Cap-Toushirou? You in there? You're starting to look depressed. Hello?"

I blinked a few times and found myself forcing a smile, "Sorry...I was just...thinking."

Her facial expression went from surprised to worried, "About...what exactly?"

I found myself looking away from her again, "Your memory...made me think of mine. But I can't tell you about them because I'm supposed to let you remember things on your own. I can't make you remember what was so important to you back then. I can't help you remember your family or friends...or what upset you, or why you were sneaking out, or anything you deserve to know. I can't help."

I saw her look at the ground out of the corner of my eye, "You really knew me pretty well didn't you?"

My heart clenched at the past tense as I shook my head, "Not as well I could have."

She glanced back at up at me when I faced forward again, "Have I changed? I mean I know you aren't supposed to tell me but it's been bothering me since I realized I couldn't remember anything. I...Am I the same person I was back then?"

I sighed, "I don't know. I don't know who you were when you died. I...I only knew what cared to tell me when I was in the living world. Which was only about once a year unless something huge came up. It had been a long time since you told me anything when you died. So I truly can't tell you if you've changed"

It was a huge lie. I could tell her everything she wanted to know about herself up until the point she was kidnapped. But I couldn't tell her I was that close to her because then she would feel the need to be close to me in the afterlife without any actual felling behind it. She would want to be close to me because she knew me before...because I had her memories and she wanted them back. Not because she thought of me as a friend...or what I hoped for, more than that.

She sighed, "Oh. Okay."

The rest of our walk was done in silence and I was back to the Head Captain's office by 8:30. I stood in the back of the office with my eyes down while he praised her for fixing my attitude. I stayed there when he dismissed her and asked me to stay behind. I answered quietly when he asked me if she was the girl I ran off to save two years ago with a, "Yes." And I nearly started crying when he said, "She doesn't remember you does she?"

I shook my head.

I knew he was trying to teach me a lesson when he asked, "Was it worth it? To give up your respect, authority, and trust? To go after a girl who doesn't know you anymore?"

I nodded despite the fact that he wanted a no, "Sir. I know you want me to say I have learnt a lesson. And to say that if it happened again I wouldn't go running after her. But I ran after her before with no guarantee that she loved me as I did her. And I would do it all over again if I was given the chance to let her live instead of die. It's in my instinct to protect others, especially the ones I care for. I remember you told me once that my determination to protect others would be a good quality for a Captain. And I'm _determined_ to make sure that I keep protecting others."

I stared at him while I said it with shaking arms and misty eyes. Trying my best not to let my voice crack so I could show that determination. He shook his head and turned away from me, "You're still just a kid. And some day you'll learn that first loves never work out. She doesn't remember you now and no matter how much you love her it won't stop her from falling in love with someone else. You'll learn that love is a distraction for a Captain and that is the reason we've never had any Captain outside the noble family marry while still working for the Soul Society. "

I felt my knees try to give out and the tears start falling. I clenched my fists and bit my tongue to prevent myself from making a sound or yelling out "It would still be worth it." I closed my eyes trying to calm my emotions. And I heard Hyourinmaru for the first time since Karin died.

_Calm yourself. He's only trying to prevent you from getting hurt again. He's in charge of the whole Soul Society remember? You know how you always feel guilty when someone you're in charge of gets hurt when you could have done something? Imagine how often he feels that._

The tears immediately stopped the second I heard his deep voice in my head. I was still shaking but I was too shocked at hearing him to cry anymore. I had almost forgotten he lived in my mind. I didn't realize how much I missed him until he was back.

_Well of course you didn't realize you missed me. You were too busy missing the girl. I know it makes sense to miss her because I care for her too so I'm too beat up about it._

I wiped my eyes on my sleeve and shook my head. Before I could fully calm down though the Head-Captain said, "You are dismissed."

I blinked a few times and got as composed as I could at the time and started leaving. When I walked outside of the office Karin was standing there waiting for me. I could tell that she tell that I had been crying by the look on her face. I didn't explain. I just kept walking and soon after heard her footsteps behind me. She caught up quickly and despite my wanting for her to drop the topic asked, "What happened?"

I shook my head and sighed, "I'd rather not talk about it."

She grabbed my sleeve and stopped, "No. You're gonna tell me because nothing is gonna get any better if you don't talk about it."

The look on her face after she said it said that she had done it out of instinct and didn't know why. It said that she was confused on why she would even care about a strangers feelings or what happened to them.

"I...I'm sorry. It's not any of my business. I mean I barely know you I shouldn't barge into your feelings like that."

I shook my head and kept moving forward. She was awkwardly silent for the entire time I was. Finally I couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't keep things that wouldn't hurt her from her, "He wants me to learn a lesson I refuse to learn. And says things that I know I can't prevent from happening but I still don't want to believe them."

She looked up at me, "What is the lesson?"

I felt my eyes get misty again as I looked down hiding my eyes behind my hair. Which was easy to do since I hadn't cut it in years which meant it almost covered my eyes without looking down.

"Not to fall in love. That is the lesson he wants me to learn. That love is a distraction a Captain can't afford to have. That I can't make things happen the way I want them to just because I want them to."

I could tell by her voice that she was confused, "But what did that have to do with anything?"

I took a deep breath, "You fixed my attitude about doing all my work. Which he took as me forgetting about why I stopped doing my work. Me forgetting why I was upset. He asked me if everything I did back then to prevent how things are now was worth it. If I still thought I did the right thing even though everything I did only succeeded in making me lose his trust, my authority, and respect. Even though my actions made the situation worse."

"What...what happened back then?"

I looked over at her, "They don't tell you in the academy then?"

She looked surprised and shook her head. I tilted my head back down, "Well I suppose it makes sense. They don't want their new Soul Reapers to know that one of their Captains ran off on his own personal mission without permission from the Head Captain. They don't tell you that the Head Captain sent more Soul Reapers after me to bring me back and they joined my cause. They don't tell you I'm the reason that Aizen is back. They don't tell you that I'm the reason two espada live in the Soul Society. They don't tell you that I'm supposed to be making sure the espada don't do anything to hurt us but I haven't seen them in over two years."

She sounded like she couldn't believe what I was saying, "But...but what was so important? You don't seem like the Captain that would do something like that."

I sighed, "Now we're back to the original topic. Love was important. I left because the girl I loved was in danger and I had to make sure she wasn't hurt."

"Where is the the girl now?"

My voice cracked when I said it, "Dead. I didn't save her. I was too late."

She gasped, "Oh..."

What I said was true. She was dead. And I was too late. What she didn't know is that I had lost her multiple times. What she didn't know was that she was walking behind me and I had technically just confessed...for the second time. And she didn't know what I was talking about for the second time. I had been rejected twice without her even realizing it.

I walked her back to her room. And then flash stepped back to mine and flopped down on my bed. I tried to sleep because the Head Captain had asked me to. But I was distracted by Hyourinmaru

_You know if she doesn't remember you she can't love you. It's nothing to get worked up about because even if she does fall in love with someone else I can almost guarantee that she'll remember eventually. And when you remember things after forgetting them like that...The flashbacks she gets will feel like she is experiencing that moment again. So when she remembers you. If she had feelings for you back then she'll have them again. Maybe they won't be as strong if you don't attempt to get to know her again because she'll feel like you've abandoned her or something of the sort and..._

I interrupted him, 'Hyourinmaru. Shut up.'

_But I'm only trying to help._

'Well you aren't'

_Well...I give up. I don't know what to do anymore. You are entirely too impossible._

**HI! I'm back guys. Sorry. This time I actually have a reason for disappearing. I was away from home for the past month. I was all over the place but I wasn't home. Remember to review!**


	6. So Different

I fell asleep shortly after Hyourinmaru gave up on me. I woke up again from a dreamless sleep nearly seven hours later at 4 in the afternoon. Being fully rested and having completed my two of the three requests for the next two days, I truly had free time to spend how I chose for the first time in years.

I couldn't remember what I did with my free time last time I had no work to do. So I went over things I should do to improve the way I was seen by others. What it was that I needed to be doing all along but had been neglecting it.

Which meant it was time to visit the espada...maybe I could ask Ichigo to come to. But no because it would take some time to find him and that meant avoiding it for longer. I had to go now and start actually doing my job.

So I got up and got a much needed shower, changed into clean clothes, brushed my teeth and was on my way. It was only a few minutes of walking to get there, after all how was I supposed to monitor them if I couldn't get there easily? Even though I didn't like the two beings inside I was polite and knocked when I reached their door.

But I couldn't look into Cifer's emerald eyes when he opened the door. And I could barely speak when he asked , "What are _you_ doing here?"

I noted that he left trash off the end of his sentence. Though I felt like I deserved to be called trash at that moment anyway. I adverted my eyes to the side when I answered, "I...I figured I should probably start doing my job."

He scoffed, "So you think we need monitored after two years of us causing you no harm? What kind of nonsense is that?"

That caused me to look at him again, "No it not...That's not what I meant. I think that if you wanted to do anything to harm the Soul Society you would have by now. But it's still my job and if I don't come here every once in a while it makes me look bad to people that I don't want to look bad in front of. Besides that unless Kurosaki has been here then you don't know the news."

I had to advert my eyes again halfway through my little speech because the other person living in the small house walked up behind Cifer. Great, I had to explain myself to both Cifer and Jaquerjacks before they would even let me inside the house.

"What's he blabbering about Ulquiorra?"

I could hear it in his tone of voice that he didn't like the fact that I was here. I started to wonder how and why Karin got close to them. They seemed like the type of people that would get on her nerves. So why did she protect Cifer from Ichigo? Why were they part of her escape plan? She knew how much hell they put us through so why did she want them to live so much?

Cifer shook his head in response to Jaquerjacks, "I don't know but I assume Karin would want us to let him inside before he explains."

"Are you kidding me? Assume? You know she would without even thinking about it. But she wanted a lot of things and got almost none of them and it's not like letting him in now is going to make her happy if she isn't here to see it. I say we don't let him in. Why does he deserve to come here and 'monitor' us when he doesn't even bother to talk to us? We're just part of his job. So if he's not treating us the way Karin would have wanted him to then why should we treat him with more respect?"

I was majorly confused. Even with all their dislike of me they were still being nicer than I expected them to be. They were more civilized than I expected them to be and I wondering why? Was it because of Karin? Was it because they were living in a more civilized society now? Maybe it was because they couldn't put up with each other if they didn't act more civilized.

Cifer turned around to face the other espada, "You know why we should. He doesn't have the luxury of having Karin here to explain to him why he should treat us better. But we had her with us for two months. Think about all the things she said to us about him. You know she would be upset with us for treating him wrong. Hell, she was upset with me for saving your butt and subduing her brother because it meant I had to fight him. And you know she cares about you. Otherwise she wouldn't have argued with you just because you felt like arguing. She wouldn't have let either of us be in her room so often. And she wouldn't have asked for _your_ jacket to wear for the days when she needed it. So at least pay back her memory for being kind to you."

The more and more they talked the more confused I got. I sincerely think they forgot that I could hear what they were saying because I don't think they would have revealed so much to me otherwise. The a thought occurred to me, "Woah wait. You two were in her room...often?"

They both looked at me like they didn't realize I heard them...as I had thought. Jacquerjacks grinned, "Why, does it bother you? How do you think we became part of her escape plan. I _even_ slept in her room twice. Ulquiorra slept in her room once. He slept closer too her than I did but I guess that's what happens when a girl falls asleep in your arms."

I couldn't prevent myself from staring blankly at them and then making fists at my side, "_What?!"_

Cifer's face went emotionless for the first time since I got there. Finally someone was acting like I expected them to. Jaquerjacks was looking at me like he was severely amused. I knew I looked angry...and I guess I was...or maybe I was jealous. But the point was I really didn't like the idea of Karin falling asleep in Cifer's arms. Why was she there in the first place? My mind raced through a million different horrible conclusions, and I had to know what happened.

Jaquerjacks leaned in towards my face which caused me to lean backwards, "It looks like _someone_ still hasn't read the journal that was given to him. I mean Karin's friend Rumi would read bits and pieces of it and tell Ulquiorra about it. And in turn when I finally woke up from being badly injured by Ichigo, I was told about it too. It expalins so clearly that me and Ulquiorra here replaced _you_ has her best friend. Or friends since there's two of us."

My anger-jealousy mood turned completely into shock and this time I said a much quieter, "What? N-no it doesn't."

He leaned against the door frame, "Yes it does. You can go read it instead of bothering us."

I crossed my arms, "First of all, I don't believe you because Karin isn't the type of person to replace people. I get that you two were her _friends _but I was her _best friend._ Second of all why in the world did Karin fall asleep in your arms? Third of all I came to tell you news that you two obviously haven't received yet so don't say I'm bothering you when I only thought you deserved to know."

Cifer sighed, "One it is true. Two she was crying and I held her while she cried until she fell asleep, and then I slept in the floor beside her bed while Grimmjow here slept in the floor across the room. Three this better be important because all you've succeeded in doing by being here is irritating the two of us."

Jealousy surged through my body. But I couldn't overreact again because I was already irritating them. The thoughts I should have been there ran through my mind repeatedly. But I kept my cool and blurted the words out before I could say anything stupid, "Karin has been found in the Soul Society. I walked her to the Head Captain's office this morning so she could be praised for making me snap back into doing my job. But don't get your hopes up because all she remembers is her given name."

Both of them looked like they had just been hit with a bus. They obviously weren't expecting me to say that. Neither one of them could hide the emotions passing through their eyes. They both had been effected by Karin just like I had. They both had missed her just like I had. But they were honoring her memory by doing the things she would have wanted unlike me. They didn't fall into self-pity when she was gone. Or maybe they did I wasn't here to see if they did or not.

I sighed and closed my eyes. In order for them to listen to me I would have to become vulnerable to them. I would have to be open with them before they were open with me, "Look. I know you two don't like me and all. But you care about Karin I can see it in your eyes. And that's something we have in common we all care about Karin. I...well I..."

Jaquerjacks sighed, "You loved her, we know. That's why I was being harsh on you because I figured someone who cared about what she thinks and what she wants would respect her wishes...and she wanted Ulquiorra and I to be friends with her friends and not be enemies of the Soul Society. I don't know what she wanted you to do and I suppose you don't either because you weren't there those last two months. But anyone who follows through with her escape plan the best they know how to has to love her. And both you and Kurosaki looked extremely depressed that day we left Hueco Mundo. So yeah we know how you felt."

It was an understatement to say that I was surprised. I had expected me to make myself vulnerable and them not to care. But I certainly hadn't expected Jaquerjacks of all people to get all sensitive on me. It just wasn't like him compared to the character I had learned him to be like. But I had learned him to be a heartless arrancar which wasn't really giving him a chance.

I was even more surprised when they stepped out of the doorway and motioned for me to come inside...In other words my plan to make myself vulnerable had worked more than I thought it would...I stepped inside the small house only to realize that I would probably have some kind of neat-freak attack from how messy it was. There were dirty dishes everywhere and scattered parts of the uniform of a Soul Reaper...And that was only what seemed to be a living room. I didn't even want to see the kitchen or bedrooms...

They made their way to couch in front of me which was covered in dirty clothes, and for the first time since I started talking to them I noticed that they were both wearing shihakushos instead of the espada uniform.

Jaquerjacks sat down on the couch and turned sideways to face me. Cifer picked up an empty ramen cup and threw it at him, "I thought I told you to clean this mess up."

The blue haired es-arrancar...they weren't under Aizen's control anymore...which meant they were just arrancar. The blue haired _arrancar_ raised an eyebrow at him, "And what? Miss the drama at the front door. I'll clean it up when he leaves."

I tried to hide my disgust at the filthy room. Even when I was severely depressed I didn't let my house look like that...and I neglected pretty much everything. But I gues that was me being neat and organized the way I usually was. Cifer sighed and shook his head at Jaquerjacks then proceeded to sit down in the floor next to the coffee table in front of the couch. He seemed to have previously been solving a puzzle before I came in. The missing pieces were in a pile next to the half solved puzzle.

But he didn't pick any pieces up to match to the ones he had solved. He just looked at me like he was expecting something of me. I realized quickly that they were waiting for me to sit down somewhere. So I sat on the opposite side of the coffee table from Cifer. Which meant I was looking at the puzzle upside down. Even then it didn't take me long to realize that picture the puzzle was making was of the Seireitei.

I could see easily the tall buildings and the maze like roads. Something suddenly entered my mind that should have been there as soon as I noticed the mess, "Where did you two get all this stuff? The uniforms, food, and the puzzle I mean. Because I know that you haven't left the general area of this building or I would have been in trouble with the Head Captain."

I saw something similar to embarrassment pass through Cifer's eyes and then quickly disappear. Jaquerjacks sounded amused, "Oh well you see. We had to get food somehow. And it turns out that girls that _somebody_ kidnaps seem to feel bad for her previous captors being in a sort of prison like state. Guess she understands the feeling."

It took me a minute to realize that he must have been talking about Orihime. It made sense if I thought about it. Cifer brought her food when she was in Hueco Mundo so she was bringing him food in the Soul Society. No matter how much she hated it in Hueco Mundo she was still nice to the ones who treated her so badly.

I opened my mouth to say 'I see' but before I could Cifer blurted out, "I have a question."

Jaquerjacks busted out laughing, "Yes because it's just killing you to not know. I don't get you at all."

I raised my eyebrows, "What are you talking about?"

Cifer blurted out again before I could process how embarrassed he sounded, "Is...Does Ichigo still like that Rukia girl?"

I blinked in surprise, "Um. As far as I know he's head over heels in love with her...why?"

He didn't try to hide how disappointed he looked. Jaquerjacks however looked like he was have a laughing fit, "That girl...Orihime Inoue right? Likes Ichigo...and lover boy here wanted things to work out for her so she could be happy."

I faint blush was seen on Cifer's pale face as he turned around once again to face his blue haired companion, "Don't call me that. Just because I want others to be happy doesn't mean I love them."

What madness had I walked into?

_Maybe they've gone insane_

'I think they already were Hyourinmaru'

**Poor Toushirou had absolutely no idea what was going on but anyway. I'm starting to feel like I'm doing something wrong with this story which is a shame because I love writing it. But it's hard to believe I'm doing something right when I don't get a single review on my latest chapter...Please review guys...I need to know what you guys think.**


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